Like a plague of locusts, the Golden Ticket-holders descend upon Hollywood, California. Their goal: to suck our souls dry with their singing and their boringness and their yuck. What a non-starter crowd we have this year. A whole lot of nothing that … [Continue reading]
To the Death Star and back
February 3, 2009 By
Super Awesome Day 2008 concludes. I met an old friend at the Death Star, Grand Moff Tarkin. I should probably say former old friend, because, as with Boba Fett, all the fanboys flocked to Tarkin as their new favorite Star Wars character with … [Continue reading]
Facebook Causes: Choosing the Right One not to Give a Shit About.
February 2, 2009 By
For anyone who is familiar with Facebook they know that an important part of building their online profile is by joining the right causes and groups that are featured throughout the social network. This process serves a very important purpose in that … [Continue reading]
American Idol NY & PR: You Wanna Go? Go Cool!
February 2, 2009 By
To make my life a misery, they've added a "bonus" audition episode to the weekly rotation. Thanks, Fox! This one contains footage from two cities: New York and Puerto Rico. Ryan, who as we all know, loves his Broadway, gets all giddy talking about … [Continue reading]
Sober House fakeroo
January 30, 2009 By
The dirty leprechauns at Sober House have stolen my Lucky Charms...again. Every preview and commercial they showed for episode 3 was carefully, strategically plotted to build up an event that never happened. I, like an idiot couch monkey, ran to the … [Continue reading]
American Idol Utah: Yo! Flip-Flops are Cheap!
January 30, 2009 By
Tonight's show takes place in Salt Lake City, Utah, home of David Archuleta, who failed to win last season's competition, shaming himself and his father forever. Seacrest wonders if the people of Salt Lake will be as clean cut and kind as Little … [Continue reading]
American Idol Florida: Randy Jackson is a Douchebag
January 28, 2009 By
We open this episode with Ryan and Simon sitting cozily in the back seat of a car (probably not for the first time). They're driving through Florida, looking for Swamp Thing or whatever, and Simon gives Ryan crap for talking funny. I don't know what … [Continue reading]
American Idol Kentucky: That’s MY Cup!
January 24, 2009 By
Tonight's show takes place at Churchill Downs, in Louisville, Kentucky, where short men—men shorter than Ryan, if you can believe such creatures exist—race horses around a track by striking them repeatedly with bendy sticks. Somehow that's okay. But … [Continue reading]
American Idol San Francisco: It’s All in the Cartlidges
January 21, 2009 By
San Francisco, at various times, has been a haven for the free-spirited, the literally and figuratively gay, and the dirty hippies. It has been immortalized in song by both Tony Bennett and the Village People. And it has a bridge that figured … [Continue reading]
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