American Idol Denver: Children of the Damned

Tonight's audition episode takes place in Denver, best known to Idol viewers as The Place That Gave Us Daughtry. Personally, I pay no attention to where these people come from (or where they go, as long as they go quickly), but the show seems to put … [Continue reading]

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, season 3 ep. 4 recap

Shake Weight

Dr. Drew continues his madcap adventure recovering addicted former celebrities. And kssht is the sound a beer makes when I open it. … [Continue reading]

American Idol Dallas: Ducks and Covers

We're at the point in the season where the auditions should be over, but they are sadly not. With this year's parade of mediocrity, listening to the good singers is a chore and the misanthropes are surprisingly unsurprising. The judges comments … [Continue reading]

American Idol L.A.: Rollin’ With The Holies

Did you know that Little Ryan has a big boy job doing a radio program? Well, the show needs to prove it, so we open on Seacrest in a studio, "broadcasting" into a mic. But the whole thing seems a tad bullshitty. The equipment looks all wrong. Ryan … [Continue reading]

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, season 3 ep. 3 ‘Dealing with the Past’ recap

Someone left Coors Light in my fridge, so let's celebrate episode 3 with the lightest of light beers and one of my least favorite drinks. Coors Light is like tap water but ruined. Still no sign of Tom Sizemore. … [Continue reading]

American Idol Florida: Be Scurred…Be Very Scurred

Has this season started yet? Honestly. Everything we've seen so far feels like a poorly packaged clip reel, designed to generate interest in the show, but created by people who aren't interested in the show. Everybody is going through the motions. … [Continue reading]

American Idol: Chicago Hopeless

Tonight's auditions take place in Chicago, home of such things as the entire series of ER and that musical where RenĂ©e Zellweger looked fat and pasty. Apparently, it's also the home of where people cuss like sailors and flip the finger to the camera. … [Continue reading]

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, season 3 episode 2 recap

We start in Mike Starr and Joey Kovar's room. Mike does not want to wake up. Dr. Drew flies in to tell us that detox is a huge no fun zone. If you didn't know that already, you wouldn't have tuned in to this show. Maybe VH1 thinks they'll get a tax … [Continue reading]

American Idol season 9 recap guide

For another thankless year, Frank takes on the horror freak show that is American Idol. … [Continue reading]

American Idol Atlanta: Where Are Your Pants?

Pop quiz. What city has this show visited five times and spawned such ungodly horrors as Fantasia Barrino, Clay Aiken, Jennifer Hudson? Hint: It's the same place that birthed our own Ryan Seacrest. Hmm. Does Smurf Village count as a city? No? Then … [Continue reading]