Last night was Country Night, and unless the show decides that opera, polka, or Muzak are suitable themes, we've managed to survive the worst genre night of the season. Well, we've mostly survived. Because one of these assholes is going home. The … [Continue reading]
American Idol: Top 11: Burn After Singing
March 18, 2009 By
Welcome to the shortest recap ever. The reason: It's Country Night. The mentor: Randy Travis. The boredom: Excessive. This is American Idol. Nobody calls me 'Mad Dog.' Especially not some duded-up, egg-suckin' gutter trash. … [Continue reading]
American Idol Results: 13 Become 11
March 12, 2009 By
"The next hour will change the lives of these 13 people." Not counting the 11 of them who aren't going home. "Which two people got the lowest number of votes?" I don't know, but Danny Gokey has nothing to worry about. "And what is this new rule all … [Continue reading]
American Idol: Top 13: They’re Bad, You Know It
March 11, 2009 By
Tonight, the competition phase of the show begins, as contestants perform, viewers vote, and the unpopular people go home. This is not to be confused with the earlier competition phase in which the exact same thing happened. Because this is totally … [Continue reading]
Dave McAwesome vs. Toy Fair 2009
March 9, 2009 By
Episode 2 of Dave McAwesome Presents. McAwesome is denied a beer as the group discuss the goodies at New York Toy Fair. … [Continue reading]
American Idol: Wild Card Round: Stacked Deck
March 7, 2009 By
The eight Wild Card singers stand on stage, all eager and full of hope. As if the judges haven't already decided which of them will move forward to the Top 12. As if anything they do tonight will make a hoot of difference. Ricky Braddy can pull a … [Continue reading]
American Idol: Semi-Finals.3: Results!
March 5, 2009 By
The potential Idols are lined up on stage, firing squad style. Lil's face reveals nothing. The ABBA girl is in la-la land. Taylor whats-her-face is mentally rehearsing: "Do you want fries with that?" Alex the Wiseass Nerd is queasy. That blonde … [Continue reading]
American Idol: Semi-Finals.3: The Agnetha and the Ecstasy
March 4, 2009 By
"They've said goodbye to their families" (except for the spouses, parents, and siblings in the audience), "they've put their jobs on hold" (the drive-thru at Burger King can suffer the loss), "and they've abandoned their everyday lives" (until … [Continue reading]
American Idol: Semi-Finals.2: Results!
February 27, 2009 By
The second round of Semi-Finals struck last night like a bad case of the croup. We had a tone-deaf Never-Seen, a wannabe poseur-rocker, a dirty panhandler, and some sweaty old dude. And that just covers the judges. Tonight, another nine contestants … [Continue reading]
American Idol: Semi-Finals.2: What is the Law?
February 26, 2009 By
"Where else can you find a welder, a bartender, a font designer, and a comedian?" Don't miss Watchmen, in theaters March 6th! Seacrest is obviously talking about tonight's batch of semi-finalists. Minus the obvious part. I mean, who the hell knows … [Continue reading]
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