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Zazzafooky versus A Whiter Shade of Pale

Dave: I've learned at least one thing from BT#1, a lot of you people don't have a sense of humor...or even whimsy. On the one hand, I'm impressed that you commenters took this so seriously. You didn't merely disagree with each other like less-developed humans. No. You took the time to point out counter-examples. Counter-examples? Suddenly it's Plato's Academy here and you're all little Aristotles. So you've restored a little bit of my faith in humanity. My heart once again has a sparkling cinder of hope in an otherwise dank, dark well.

On the other hand, this is Thunderdome, not Polite-dome.

Despite the noise and grunting from you rabble, the Holy Order of Thunderdome (or HOT, as we like to refer to ourselves) is prepared to pronounce its verdict.

Brad: The name Zazzafooky guarantees that it will be at the bottom of everyone's blogroll, reflecting a general lack of marketing savvy by the owner. The tagline, "Fooking around when I should be working," immediately had me thinking that this chick would be better off working. Although designed by a pro, it's obvious that TJ selected the colour. The baby poo background colour makes me thankful that this blog is not scratch and sniff.

I concede that there are some interesting posts, life experiences, humour, farting daughter videos and general interest, but all is ruined by her weekly music postings. An entire post dedicated to Tori Amos is about as much fun has having your brains sucked out by a giant alien bug. The most recent music post, which is dedicated to children’s songs, just reeks of "mommy blog."

Dave: Brad is right. "Music Madness" needs to stop. I quote from June 30, "more crap tunes I've managed to dig up." Yeah, thanks TJ. It's called the radio. You might have heard of it. Congratulations for bringing the horror of mainstream airwaves to the internet. That said, TJ gets super crazy bonus points for putting up Shel Silverstein tunes. Silverstein is a genius par nobody. Not to like his books (or even music) is not to have a soul.

Carn: First of all, TJ has linked to me, showing that she can recognize the very definition of class and brilliance that is my website. Secondly, her writing style tells me that she is writing for herself, instead of some audience (99 percent of "bloggers" (barf) write thinking millions of people are reading it).

TJ is like me. She writes because she likes it, and if one person or one million read it, it's all the same to her. Plus she just wrote about obesity and much like me blames the individual for getting fat instead of The Hamburgler.

Brad: As you are all aware, endless blogrolls are a pet peeve of mine so TJ’s obvious lack of selectivity and shameless self-whoring means she loses big points with me.

Dave: On TJ's "More Tids and Bits" section. Houston, we have a problem. "I couldn't think of anything to write today, so instead of doing some private brainstorming and letting my blog lie fallow for a just a single day, I've decided to add to the clutter on the interweb." That's what that section says to me. Used sparingly, "More Tids and Bits" could be a nice break in TJ's typical blog entries. Used too often, it's a crutch.

Brad: Design: Here we discover the real reason for the name of A Whiter Shade of Pale. It's obvious that it gives KC an excuse to design a blog devoid of any colour whatsoever. With such a flair for creativity I would expect her next blog to be entitled "A Paler Shade of White." Content: KC's writing style seems to be "conscious stream of thought," and, after reading a few posts, I began hoping someone would knock her unconscious, for both her sake and mine. Her commercial ties to Amazon not only illustrate her bad taste in literature and music but also evidence a clearly delusional person who believes she will make a little coin from her blog. As with Zazzafooky, I will concede to occasional flashes of brilliance, but KC seems to be on the path to an inflated blogroll as well.

Carn: A Whiter Shade Of Pale: What can I say? First off I checked the link area and found no link to me, a big minus. Then I found a link to Dead Guy, who has the privilege of being the most consistently unfunny comic strip blog out there. I seriously don't get his stuff at all, it just isn't that funny on any level. I would put any one of my photoshops up against one of his comic strips any and bet any rational human being would find mine far funnier. Wait, I just remembered the internet is populated with people such as Benny Solah who have no sense of humor, so I might lose that bet. Never mind.

Upon scanning down further I see a link to none other than The Complimenting "Waste of Bandwidth" Commenter. I can think of nobody else that personifies this "everyone on the internet should be nice" attitude than this guy. He thinks everyone should have a nice compliment on their website no matter what? I bet this douchebag is the same kind of person who sets up little league baseball games where they don't keep score so everyone wins. Bullcrap.

Dave: Carn, I take it your position is: A blog is only as good as the company it keeps?

Let's take a look at July 5th's "What do I want?" post on Whiter Shade of Pale. It's the one where a rainbow threw up all over her entry, ruining an otherwise good post. Unacceptable. On July 1st, Procol Harum Song has a post about water. I. Can't. Stand. This. KC is so hot and cold. She'll have a really good post about depression or relationships one day and then muck it all up the next. But lo, all is not lost. She apologizes in her 'comments' section for attempting a water metaphor that didn't quite wash. (There's your allotted pun for the day.) KC (AKA Sylvia Plath) could benefit from the "three day rule." Write your thing. Wait three days. Fix it. THEN post. In the meantime, keep her away from any ovens. (Whoops. "Ding ding ding...there's the inappropriate bell." Dave now hangs his head in shame. And thank you to Opie and Anthony for use of their bell.)

Brad: I must admit that I was very much influenced by the comments from the fans on this one. Zazzafooky had a big turn out, and her fans' comments gave me the impression that they are sad lot whose only moment of joy in their lives is when they are reading Zazzafooky. Nothing would please me more than taking that little shred of happiness away for two months from such a pathetic group of people.

Dave: Lemme get heavy on ya for a sec. Dim the lights, please. I'm a big believer in the rhythm of writing. Writing is all too similar to music. Ya gotta hit all the right beats, build up a crescendo, and blow 'em away in the coda. TJ's got that down (except for the aforementioned More Tids and Bits crap). KachinaCrowe has her moments, too. In the color-hampered "What do I want?" post, her cathartic list ends sweetly with, "I want a hug."

Yes, this panel of judges finds that there are redeeming qualities to both blogs and that neither should be silenced for long. In a way, there are no losers here. But in another more accurate way A Whiter Shade of Pale is the loser.

The Holy Order of Thunderdome, empowered by the World Blogging Organization, herewith bans A Whiter Shade of Pale (AKA Procol Harum Song) from any and all blogging activity for a period of two months effective on this the 11th day of July, 2005.

KC is, of course, free to contribute on anyone else's blog, as she chooses. If she wishes to post one of Blog Thunderdome's "banned" graphics, she has my express permission to direct link it from my server for the rest of the calendar year (unless she becomes a web superstar and gets a gazillion hits, at which point I'll need that taken down).

Medals of Dubious Honor:
Funniest moment: KC. Speaking about her own suicide attempt, she winds up with "Vote for me on Blog Thunderdome. Because if I lose, I'll do it again. Just kidding." Here's a girl who truly appreciates the humor in what we're trying to do here.

Most depictions of sexual acts: TJ. Thanks, TJ. If there's anything the interweb needs more of, it's depictions of sexual acts.

Thanks are in order
First of all, a round of applause for Zazzafooky and A Whiter Shade of Pale for participating (willingly, no less) in the very first episode of Blog Thunderdome. I give each of you a virtual hug. (Hey! Watch those hands, girls.) Double thanks to Brad at Blogg'd and Carnonymous at Angryface Central for their efforts. No, I'm not giving you guys a hug, virtual or otherwise. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it's gotta be. And triple thanks to the commenters for commenting.

To the next person who says, "I don't get it, why are you punishing blogs?" I am going to reach through the internet and choke you. Blog Thunderdome is a part of Maximum Awesome, a humor site. That's all you need to "get." If you're so headstrong, go start the "Every Blog is Sacred and Inviolable" site so you can all fellate each other.

The Holy Order of Thunderdome has spoken.

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