The Holy Order of Thunderdome
Our elite panel of judges, unlike many of you bloggers, is literate (to wit: we use "is" not "are" here because the noun is "panel," not "judges." And "panel" is singular, hence "is." See how smart we is?). The Holy Order of Thunderdome has earned near godlike status in its divine purpose of rooting out inferior blogs. Its judgement is final and not to be questioned, unless the blogger under discussion is able to provide a sufficient bribe. Even then, the pleasure of seeing a grotesque blog silenced for any period of time may outweigh any cash offering, no matter how considerable.
The founder of Maximum Awesome and Blog Thunderdome, Dave McAwesome wants you to be a better blogger. If that means ticking off a sizable portion of the blogosphere, so be it. He is considering legislative measures that would allow the World Blogging Organization to impose steep fines on awful blogs.
Bribe weakness: Guinness
Brad Chesterton Jr.
Brad from Blogg'd is sick of reading about how cute your cat is, and how bored you are and have nothing to write about, and which character of Friends you most resemble according to no less of an expert than some random internet survey. Such blogging blunders wound him deeply. On his own blog (much better than yours, he'd like to add), he reviews both the good and bad of the blogosphere. Have you been Bless'd or Burn'd?
Bribe weakness: Quadruple filtered vodka
An advocate of both stigmata and celery, Malfouka plies her brand of self-loathing and Sleestak references at Working Class Autopsy. Her "Perversion Fridays" make Vivid Video look like Disney Studios.
Bribe weakness: neurochemical pharmaceuticals and cigarettes.
A man of integrity, Adam vows to spend no less than 34.6 seconds examining each Thunderdome contestant's blog before passing judgement. While there he will scour the posts in search of the one thing you are most passionate about and then doggedly ridicule it. And you, of course. When not mocking your blog he can be found dishing out the funny at MaximumAwesome.com.
Bribe weakness: alcohol, tobacco and firearms.
Evil Minx is on a mission to humiliate and silence all perpetrators of bad spelling or grammar. Usage of teddy bears, cutesy icons or pathetic memes should be punishable by flogging, according to the Minxolosophy. She really doesn't give a crap if you've had a bad day and want to whine about it. Give her humour, or give her death. Or erotica, lest we forget.
Bribe weaknesses: frozen margaritas...several
People don't actually read blogs - they step into them every morning like a hot bath. Except for Zach Whalen. He steps into them like an ice cold shower, and he doesn't even stay in long enough to wash his balls. In most cases, his judging method can be summed up in two words: "coin" and "toss."
Bribe weakness: exotic hookers.
The staff requests that all bribes be offered through the email below. You have the right to offer whatever you want to the judge of your choice. By the same token, we have the right to mock you for such idiocy.
What's that? You think you have the cold rationality and raw intuitive power to be a judge? Send us an email explaining why. Don't hold your breath, dude.