Bunny's Babblings vs. WebKittyn Warbles
This episode, we've got a warbler and a babbler. And a host of guest judges! It's like a Holy Order of Thunderdome party. Filthy Rotten Angel has sworn her eternal soul to our cause, and alcoholic poet returns to swear whatever's left of hers. Adam, if you don't know by now, is a full time judge. So is Zach.
Dave:I hope Zach is going to work out as a judge.
Zach: Both blogs deserve to burn for being so utterly fake.
Dave:Yeah, he's gonna be just fine.
Evil Minx: I love reading a well-written woman. And it's clear to me that both these blogs are written well.
Malfouka: Bunny writes incessantly about being stoned on allergy medication. Perhaps this explains the bizarre cartoon woman she uses on her header. I don’t understand why women are so drawn to this "sexy cartoon" crap. Is it a pathetic attempt to convince the reader that this is an actual representation of the blogger? WBO mathematicians have been working feverishly on this matter and now theorize that the sexiness of the cartoon woman in relation to the blog author can be expressed as an inverse proportion: when x (sexiness of cartoon) increases, y (actual sexiness of blogger) will decrease.
alcoholic poet: One can't miss the series of posts about a menage a trois of emails between her, her Keithy and the chick who hopelessly pines for her Keithy. This girl is vicious. Macy's 50% off sale, last pair of shoes to a dozen estrogen-crazed women vicious. It's one thing to write nasty emails teasing and degrading some other pathetic chick who craves a taste of your current flesh lollipop. The weak instinctively pick on the slightly weaker. Nothing shocking there. But to then post all those emails on your blog for all the blogverse to see. Harsh. Dick Cheney, shoot you in the face with a shotgun harsh.
Zach: Bunny's blog is about as entertaining as a Tupperware party. I don't care about Keith. I don't care about the woman who emails Keith. I don't care about her smug response to the woman who emails Keith.
Filthy Rotten Angel: Kiethy? ...the hell? Is he a grown man? Bunny reminds me of those coworkers or associates that you are STUCK with for over 8 hours a day who do nothing but talk about themselves... and their boyfriend... and their adorable pets... and their boyfriend.... and their wonderful boyfriend and all you can do is grin woodenly while staring out into space trying to compute the amount of force needed to shove a drinking straw through your own jugular.
Malfouka: It’s like she’s in 8th grade and writing “Jen + Keith 4-eva” all over her notebook.
Evil Minx: No. Just plain no. Don't tell me that Keith likes being called "Keithy." I don't believe you. Stop it Bunny. Stop it now.
Dave: Bloggers, take note. If you do the whole goo-goo eyes thing about your honeybunch in a public place, you will be hated. That sounds bitter and cynical and mean, but it's reality. If you are not a miserable wretch, then you aren't paying enough attention to the world. I'll say this one last time: There can be no joy in a world that does not yet have air cars.
alcoholic poet: I kinda suspect that Keithy isn't so much her boyfriend as he is her captive. I can picture her sitting in bed petting her dog while Keithy sits coiled in ropes beside her. Whimpering through a ball gag . A tiny tear in the corner of his eye. This chick would slit an infant's throat if she thought it might come between her and her Keithy. That's HER boyfriend everybody! He belongs to HER. She'll show you the receipt!
Brad: Although it’s always sweet to read about blossoming young love, Bunnies frequency of posts about Keith border on obsessive. In the case of an eventual break-up, the poor boy will likely need to seek a restraining order. The red panty post was somewhat interesting in that it did provide some insight into Bunny. Judging from her general disdain for this type of undergarment I can only assume that Bunny loves to wear white granny-panties from Sears.
Evil Minx: Well smack my ass and call me Judy. (Seriously. Smack me, and call me Judy. I won't reply, because my name isn't Judy, but you can smack my ass if you'd like.) I really liked this blog. She has a nicely manageable blogroll -- indicating that this person has a blog but also has a life. She doesn't go overboard--she doesn't feel that she has to show that she keeps up with every single cool and sexy blog association. Moderation and quiet confidence is the air that greets you at Bunny's Babblings. It was kinda nice. I especially liked her "Worn Out" post. The tongue-in-cheek and sassy attitude that she displays wins it for me.
Brad: In her post about being a Godmother, Bunny gives us both the name of her future Godson and the pronunciation: "(pronounced lee-um)." Thanks a hell of a lot Bunny, but it’s not like I am ever going to meet the little bugger and offend him by pronouncing it "lie-ummm." Besides, only a retard (pronounced ree-tard) wouldn’t know how to pronounce Liam.
Filthy Rotten Angel: On the other hand, there's something glowing and wonderfully poignant about her blog, I just can't pinpoint what in the hell it is.
Dave: Let's not forget she urinated in her brother’s shampoo bottle. That's worth a few points no matter how you keep score.
Adam: On the forum for this particular episode, Bunny wrote, "My life is interesting enough... to blog about what happens in it." With that one sentence she has summed up the worldwide tragedy that is blogging. No, your life really isn't that interesting. Very few people's lives are. If you robbed a bank and got away with it, blog about it, I want to hear that. If you made out with another chick, blog about it and post pictures. If you and "Keithy" went to a mechanic to get his car fixed, please spare us. It's far less interesting than you could ever imagine. As for the layout of Bunny's blog I only have one thing to say. I'm about one animated space chick header image away from destroying every computer within a 50 mile radius of my home. We get it. Blogging is the wave of the future and you're at the forefront wielding a photon laser gun and dressing in only the finest of pleather catsuits. Enough already. But I guess it could be worse...at least it's not a cartoon image of Keith.
Evil Minx: Dave, she better win or I'm coming for you with pincers and some battery acid.
Dave: Bring it.
Adam: She's just begging for punishment. It's almost as if she went through the BT archives, picked out everything every judge has ever hated about blogging and then put it in her blog. For starters, she has six friggin' blogrolls containing links to possibly every known blog in the blogverse.
Malfouka: What is this “warbling” thing anyway? A code word for "cram-in-every-piece-of-weblogging-gobbledygook-imaginable?" Never have I seen so much crap on one page. WebKittyn has managed to violate almost every blogging "don't." WebKittyn's row of cats would normally be a sad cry for attention, but no, WK had to go the vintage GeoCities route and make 'em animated.
Filthy Rotten Angel: WK has a hell of a lot of stuff on her blog.
Dave: It's called "obnoxious clutter."
Filthy Rotten Angel: It's like her sidebar got knocked up and gave birth to icons, flashy things, banners, and spotlight site things.
Dave: I'm calling for mandatory abortions for all sidebars. The WBO will back me up on this.
Filthy Rotten Angel: She's got a link on there for RPG character blogs. That stole my attention for a couple of days at least. Who'da thunk it? Your totally imaginary character type thing can have a chunk of the interwebs all for itself! Wow. Really. She also separates her posts into categories which is great for those of us who don't like fishing through archives to find out what in hell a blogger is talking about. I fell into her "Blogathon" 2006 posts and spent almost as much time reading them as she did writing. She's got talent and though I don't know much about her as a person I would like to get to know more, you know? Oh not like that.
Dave: How did you know what I was thinking?
Zach: First, let me give props to WebKittyn for originality. "Look at me! I'm ranting about something I saw on TV! Oh boy am I riled up! Listen, I have a slightly different opinion than what you may see anywhere else, because I am so not PC. Karla Homolka is bad... yeah, I went there. I am so totally ranty and opinionated!" The worst part is her "I only blog for myself" disclaimer. Christ, if I read that one more time I'm gonna slit my wrists. C'mon. Nut up.
Evil Minx: Webkittyn, if I recall correctly, won the Best of Blogs blog whore (or something) award. And she earned it. She had about a gazillion people whoring for her. I don't know how she did it, but you have to admire that kind of effort and ingenuity. However, I am also a blog whore. I'm just less vocal about it. And here's my point. She sucked up to certain other judges, but not to me. She made a point of linking to other judges, but not to me. BAD MOVE. Stupid, stupid, stupid. That's fifty points against her for starters. At least. But this fades into the background when i actually look at her blog. And my judgement is not (believe it or not) based on her non-minx-linkage/suckage.
Brad: I read through her "100 useless things." She could easily make it 101 by adding the sentence "I blog." After slogging through the 100 things I felt it wise to read through the disclaimer. Nothing better than a shitty blogger putting their hands forward. I was struck by this phrase: "I read every blog on my blogroll and I keep up with the ones on the lists when they update." I counted 93 blogs on her blogroll. Assuming that she spends 10 minutes reading each one daily that equals 930 minutes or 15.5 hours a day. On top of it she also mentions that she does not write for an audience so I guess that explains the button farm in the side bar and her membership in countless traffic exchanges. Sorry but this section gets the FOS (Full of Shit) rubber stamp.
Evil Minx: No doubt about it, this woman is a SERIOUS blog whore. Seriously in need of validation. You gotta admire that in a gal, and I do, I freely admit it... but there's a limit and she passes mine. It's just a smidge too much. And by "smidge" I mean "shitloads."
Brad: The whole thing has "retarded Hallmark card designer" written all over it. Not being one to judge a book by its cover I finally decided to get into the content. My assumption was correct: the book was not at all like its cover. It sucked even more! Her most recent post "I am surrounded by men" is a detailed account about being unable to sleep due to construction on her house. It seems her landlord is a cheap bastard but I believe we need to ask this question: Would you invest a lot of money in a house rented to people who like to dress up like Darth Vader and play with cheesy swords? While they're high? I didn’t think so.
Dave: She does like Harlan Ellison. Anyone who likes Harlan Ellison can't be all bad.
alcoholic poet: She has most every cliche blog accoutrement listed in The Bad Blogger's Handbook. She's got the Amazon wishlist, a shoutbox, 100 things list, the current moon. What the hell is the point of that? Is that some secret bad blogger badge of brotherhood? Enough sidebar link buttons to encircle the globe. Twice. I looked and looked. Clicked and read. Category after category until I thought for sure I was trapped inside the brain of Terri Shiavo. There's just nothing there. True, there are both alpha and numeric characters present, but like the twitching digits often exhibited by the brain dead, they offer only false hope. I say it's time to pull the plug. She could throw a script up there that simply types the word "the" on the page at given intervals and it would be a spectacular improvement.
Brad: There are also plenty of movie reviews in case IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, Amazon, Roger Ebert, The Onion's AV Club and the websites of every major American newspaper are down at the same time.
If WK were to be banned she stated herself that she would wither away. This is positive. Bunny makes no such promise, but it is very likely she would spend her time making buttons, something the blogverse needs less of. I therefore vote to ban Webkittyn Warbles.
Dave: I want to be clear about a few things here right before we get to the verdict. Despite both of these girlies going on about how nice they really, honestly and truly are, don't you believe it. Either one will cut you from crotch to chin for the last Twinkie in the box. They play for keeps, so I have no problem with the level of derisiveness from our judges today. To say this rabbit and kitty have claws is like saying Hiroshima was attacked by a very bright candle. Those aren't claws. They're rocket-powered shards of adamantium dipped in evil sauce. Both the judges' votes and the level of fear and naked bribery tipped the scales towards one four-legged hellion. Her sheer terror fueled a campaign of dishonesty and abject corruption that will henceforth shed a kinder historical light on Tammany Hall. Her name is WebKittyn, and if you ever find yourself on one o' them reality TV shows, vote her off immediately. You have no chance. On this, the 3rd day of May, 2006, Bunny Babbles is hereby banned for a period of one month. Graphics for the winner and loser. I am once again shocked (yet strangely pleased) at the new depths to which Blog Thunderdome has sunk.
The Holy Order of Thunderdome hath spoken.