iFuze for iPhone

The number one, must-have iPhone accessory

by Adam Brown

Everybody wants an iPhone. Unfortunately, due to various complications--price, existing cell phone contracts, living in a land that AT&T does not know exists (South Dakota, for instance)--not everybody can have one. Previously, McAwesome introduced us to his low budget iPhone alternative. While this free iPhone certainly works out the budget kinks, it is noticeably devoid of key features, like the ability to make phone calls. But fear not gadget geeks, if you're willing to spend a little coin, I have just the iPhone alternative for you! Behold!

Your eyes do not deceive you, what you see is a fully functional, internet ready cell phone (free w/ 8 year contract!) and a 60GB iPod Video fused together using the revolutionary new iPhone accessory called the iFuze. Developed specifically for Maximum Awesome, the iFuze uses space age polymers and other rubberband-based technology to form a circle of epic elasticity and strength. When placed inside the iFuze's unbreakable clutches, your cellphone and iPod combine to create the most versatile electronic device in the history of the universe. That's right, UNIVERSE! Even the aliens aren't rocking technology this advanced!

At this point you're probably saying something along the lines of "yeah, it's functional, but it's also pretty damn bulky yadda yadda yadda whine whine bitch bitch bitch." True, it's not as sleek as traditional cellphone/mp3 combos, but what it lacks in aerodynamics, it more than makes up for in capacity. Nevermind the fact that, at 60GB, it stores approximately 13,000 more songs than the spendiest of iPhones, we're not just talking mp3 storage capacity. Thanks to the revolutionary iFuze, you can carry whatever the hell else you want. For example...

iDrops!

iWeapons!

Even iBooze!

Have you ever seen such a perfect storm of form and function? Hell naw! So where can you get your very own iFuze? Right here, of course. For a limited time, Maximum Awesome will be giving it's loyal readers the chance to purchase their very own iFuze for the low low price of just $29.95. The more cold hard cash you donate to the site, the more iFuze elastic polymer bandoliers you'll get. They make great Christmas gifts. Hell, we'll even extend the offer to those fair-weather S.O.B. non-loyal readers! How cool is that?!?! Act now, supplies are limited!