Stubb's Barbeque Sauce
Better than an urnby Dave McAwesome
His life is in these bottles. His LIFE! I don't know what kind of existence Christopher B. Stubblefield led, whether he was a kind man or just a jerk, but anyone who pours his soul into a bottle of barbeque sauce can't be all bad. So a little reverence, please, the next time you slather a bit of the good stuff on your grilled meat product. This man's life essence is the central ingredient for your tasting pleasure. Personally, I like to pretend I'm a vampire while pouring on the Stubb's. Every drop is a piece of his immortal soul. My essence grows stronger with each mouthful of Stubb's-smothered sirloin.
I also direct your attention to the quote under his picture, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm a cook." I cannot add anything that would enhance the humor of this absurdly truthful sentence. Perhaps someday I shall have the courage of my convictions to write, "Ladies and gentlemen, I have a website," on my home page. Needless to say, Stubb's quote puts a smile on my face while I'm swallowing his spicy immaterial spirit. Thank you, Stubbsy. Your soul was delicious.