Deathmatch: Taco Bell vs. Del Tacoby Cris
I'm a fat slob. Let's just get that out of the way right now. So as a fat slob you tend to do things that are well just something fat slobs do. Which brings me to the Taco Bell – Del Taco controversy.
Since my first trip to Los Angeles a year ago, I was obsessed with which Mexican fast food restaurant was the king of the taco or burrito. I had missed the opportunity the first time around and I found myself alone in my hotel room late one night during one of my Hollywood excursions for a ragtag magazine I work for.
I had been in Tinsel Town four days and was feeling the time change . . . along with suffering from an ulcer the size of my big fat fist and the fact that fat people often have acid reflux. The scene was horrifying. I had been throwing up and making potty virtually at the same time. I was trying to stay away from food to give my ass a break, but the clock had struck midnight and there I was like a fiend searching for the nearest Del Taco on my laptop. Where else was I going to eat at midnight?
I kept repeating the "Wendy's" slogan, "Tastes great even late." Finally I narrowed my search to one of Del Taco's fine establishments just 0.9 miles away. I could jump into my rental and back before I'd have to be back on the toilet. I got my things and headed to the door, but I froze. "What am I thinking? Fast food Mexican? I'll extend my time on the can for a few more days. Why would I do that to myself?"
So like all fat slobs do, I got into car and headed to Del Taco. I know I know ... but when was I going to be on the West Coast again? The mystery would kill me. I just had to find out who was better.
Pulling up to Del Taco I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was quite surprised that almost all of their meals were accompanied by French fries. What gives? Thought this place was supposed to be authentic. I was also surprised to see cheeseburgers on the menu and that they offered breakfast.
I'll spare you my order choices and tell you that Taco Bell is certainly the winner of this battle, but Del Taco earns extra points for magically settling my stomach. As I stuffed my disgusting round robust face I learned a valuable lesson that while Del Taco might go the extra mile, offering burgers and fries, Taco Bell keeps it real sticking with a traditional Mexican menu. Kudos to them for not selling out.
As for me this is just one sad fatboy story out of many. Stay tuned for more of the wide world of gluttony.