funny humor column mcawesome

The bizarre and unnecessary introduction of Half-boy

As told in broken and mangled poetic meter

by Dave McAwesome
half-boy pic
Half-boy packs his cigarettes by banging the box against his forehead.

Half-boy was born with a single leg
Just one arm and a mother named Meg.

He ate his food with half a tongue
but needed help folding clothes he'd wrung.

He hardly had a multiple part.
Not ears, not eyes, but hair. That's a start!

Half-boy also had multiple names:
Burn, Demon, Die and sometimes James.

His fishmonger father once charged a fee
to see the newborn anomaly.

But Mother found out and ran away,
hiding her son in a crate of filets.

She put him in school and made him play sports.
He practiced so hard out on the courts.

At first the kids ran, struck dumb by fear.
When they learned he was kind, they started to jeer.

Half-boy never perfected a jumper
and never boasted, "That girl? I humped her."

A surgeon offered medical tests
to make the boy look like the rest.

When Half-boy grew older, things got worse.
He had no friends besides his nurse.

She was pretty and had a tight little can.
Why would she settle for half a man?

No, his answers lay not at the clinic
but in people, adventures, or even a picnic.

He ran away. Ran down the block.
He traveled light: one shirt, shoe and sock.

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