Sounds of my 4th of July

by Dave McAwesome

The crackling of the barbeque, the Yankee game on the radio, a gaggle of shapely nymphs demanding my phone number...no, this year's Fourth had none of those things. I was instead treated to less enticing sounds.

Billy's first firecracker. (cue audio)
Neighborhood boy loses hand. (cue audio)
Gigantic mortar misfires and lands on roof. (cue audio)

Ah, yes, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Hopefully, you knew where this bit was going by the second audio clip and did not need to click the third. Thank you, thumbless hooligans, for raising our health insurance rates another tick.