Cover Girl

G.I. Joe's hottie

by Dave McAwesome

You know, the whole point of G.I. Joe was to have a boy's counterpart to Barbie. Cover Girl is...well, it's like if Barbie joined the Joe Team. They even gave her a vehicle, the Malibu Mobile Missile Launcher. Damn you, Hasbro. Damn you to plastic hell.

Cover Girl never saw much action on my living room floor. Yep, pun intended. I mean it both ways. I never much used her to fight Cobra, and she didn't offer up her body to the rest of the Joe team. I was 8, for crying out loud. Stop with the G.I. Canoodling. Can I have a moment alone with my war toys without uncomfortable adult roles creeping into my childhood?

I will give Hasbro credit for one thing. They didn't puss out and make Cover Girl the G.I. Joe secretary (secondary military specialty? coffee). They gave her a big ol' vehicle with tank treads and a large missile payload. It packed a punch. Rather than give her a protective cockpit (no jokes, please, it's too easy), they had her sitting above the vehicle profile (about chest up). This was, no doubt, a distracting measure used to sucker Cobra snipers. "You wouldn't want to snipe cute li'l ol' me, would ya boys? My cleavage says you should buy me a drink, instead." Then blammo! She launches her missiles and takes out Cleveland. Yet another victory for the good guys.