Ripcord

G.I. Joe's parachut--er, I mean Freedom Napkin-ist

by Dave McAwesome

I don't know what Larry Hama's fascination was with this character. His whole deal was accidentally meeting an unlikable female character, subsequently dating her, being dumped and then descending into a break-up melancholy worthy of a Police song. Er, is this a war comic based on a pre-adolescent toy line or isn't it? Give us the shootiness!

I got a kick out of Zartan disguising himself as Ripcord to penetrate the Joe's inner sanctum. Ripcord is so unmemorable, no wonder no one noticed. I think Ripcord tried to impersonate Zartan in the same issue or soon after. That wacky Larry Hama and his variety show power hour! Coming up: juggling bears riding unicycles after these commercial messages!

The action figure came with a working parachute. Seven children died while jumping out of their bedroom windows holding Ripcord's parachute, and Hasbro quickly renamed the chute as the Freedom Napkin. I'm totally joking and I'm sure none of that happened, but companies have become so responsive to whiny parents, I'm surprised it didn't happen. After all, why should a child and parent take responsibility for something when the blame can be shifted somewhere else? But I'm digressing...on a tangent...that never happened. I guess I'm still bitter that pansy-ass parents got the old Boba Fett mail-in figure changed to a non-working backpack after some stupid kid fired it into his mouth. Hey, kid! Don't fire Boba Fett backpack into mouth! Use a fork next time. *cough* Huhrm, yeah, bitter. Anyway, a parachute. It worked...except when it got tangled. Then it didn't work. I doubt Ripcord would've survived long in the field.