Optimus Prime

Leader of the Autobots; C+ student

Picture being a kid sitting around with yer dumb Tonka Trunk. Suddenly, the TV glow box runs a commercial of Optimus Prime. It's a bad ass tractor trailer...that turns into A FRICKIN ROBOT! Look out, ma! Drop that Hamburger Helper and drive me to Toys R Us, pronto.

Optimus Prime: "Where are my hands? Autobots, roll out to find my hands."

It was a cool toy in theory. The truck cab turned into Optimus Prime. His trailer transformed into some kind of pseudo-base. There was a little car back there that would shoot out the back when you pressed a lever. The car was lame. It didn't transform at all (way to drop the ball, Hasbro). It didn't shoot out much either. Few inches maybe. Pretty disappointing money shot if you ask me. Inside the base/research facility/half-assed trailer was a robotic arm...and, uh, yeah. You know what would've been better? Pretty much anything. How about a firebase? A missile launch command center? Something. Occasionally, I would shove the smaller Autobots like Bumblebee and Brawn into the back of the trailer. It was hell on gas mileage, but at least it put that useless research station to use.

The datacard identifies the trailer as "Autobot Headquarters...the combat deck equipped with a versatile mechanic/artillery robot." Er, sure, whatever. No way you're fitting all the Autobots in that thing. How do you hold board meetings? See, this is why the Cybertron auto industry is flagging so badly.

In episode one or two of the cartoon series, Optimus and Megatron fought it out in hand-to-hand combat. They each materialized an Energon hand weapon. I think Optimus had an ax. I don't see why they couldn't have thrown in a translucent ax with the toy. They never used those Energon hand weapons again in the series. Too 'magical' I guess (unlike Megatron transforming from a huge robot into a handheld gun *cough* magic *cough*).

Optimus Prime, unlike previous Autobot leaders, had no speech writers. He came up with one good line, "Autobots, roll out!" and stuck with that for damn near every occasion. "Did you watch American Idol last night, Optimus?" Ironhide might ask. "Autobots, roll out!" would come the reply. Everyone likes to think of Optimus as the smart Autobot and Grimlock as the dumb one. I don't know how they run IQ tests on Cybertron, but on Earth we take our standardized testing very, very seriously (particularly for white suburban males). Optimus ain't exactly Ivy League material.