Rampart, baby. Rampart.

by Dave McAwesome

Sometimes the best games are the old games. Pac Man, Scorched Earth, the Commodore 64 port of Joust (10 times better than the arcade). Give me a better aerial combat game than TIE Fighter. Yeah, I didn't think so.

Today, I submit to you: Rampart.

I'm sick over this game. Sick.

Forget about single player. I've got this up on the Xbox for three-player action. Each player has a castle and a bunch of cannons. At "go" you pummel the opposing castles into powder. It's very satisfying. Then you've got about 20 seconds to rebuild your ruins (and presumably scoop up any serfs underneath the pulverized stone with a spatula). Rebuilding is a Tetris-style affair and the goal is to create an unbroken wall around your castle and cannons.

Historically, gunpowder made castles obsolete. Fortunately, the designers of this game ignored such trifles. The result is pure anachronistic wonderfulness.

I've been playing a ton with two warmongering friends. The game devolves us into simpering, barely coherent globs of joy. It's pathetic, really. On the other hand, I'm quite good at it and have taken no small pleasure in unleashing savage volleys of hellfire onto my doomed enemies. "Grovel before me," I shout from the battlements. Hm, yes, pathetic indeed.