Exclusive interview with Greg McAwesome

Hope for Pope '05

An intrepid reporter from the Vatican City Daily Herald Tribune recently interviewed the elusive Greg McAwesome. We've managed to secure a transcript of part of the interview.

Reporter: Why are you running for Pope?

Greg: Two words: job security. When was the last time someone got to run for Pope? 26 years ago? You'll be hard pressed to find a job with that type of stability in the current market. Plus, you get to live in a pretty boss mansion. You get your own city, for chrissakes.

Reporter: If you're running for Pope, shouldn't you not use the Lord's name in vain?

Greg: Did I?

Reporter: You said, "chrissakes."

Greg: Goddammit, you're right. But I'm not sure that's even a sin anymore.

Reporter: If elected, what are your plans for the first hundred days in office?

Greg: Expansion. I look at the armed forces of Vatican City, and, sure, it's not a very big military. But I bet we could take Lichtenstein. Maybe even Luxembourg with a little help.

Reporter: A little help?

Greg: What do you say, Belgium? Ready to step up?

Reporter: Do you think you'd be able to stick to the three vows?

Greg: Three vows?

Reporter: Celibacy, obedience, and poverty.

Greg: Yeah, I'm not too big on that whole vow of poverty thing. But hey, I've seen how some of these Bishops live, and it's pretty sweet. And since I'm going to be above them, I figure I'll be living at least as good as they are.

Reporter: Anything else to add?

Greg: I like to wear hats.

Continue to Dave McAwesome's supercool Pope-mobile 5000.