funny humor column mcawesome
mcawesome runs for pope
mcawesome McAwesome Conclave 05 image

Conclave '05: the Hope for Pope
1. Dave McAwesome declares candidacy directly below.
2. Greg McAwesome splits Team Awesome
3. Dave McAwesome launches media blitz (4 videos)
4. Exclusive interview with Greg McAwesome
5. Pope-mobile 5000
6. Zombie Pope

Dave McAwesome announces candidacy for Pope

April 3rd, 2005
NEW YORK--Fueled by the knowledge that the College of Cardinals is empowered to elect any baptized Roman Catholic the next pontiff, Dave McAwesome has thrown his oversized novelty hat into the ring, as it were.

"I'm in, dude," he said in a brief statement to the press.

Papal Flakes imageThe mood at the newly christened Conclave '05 campaign headquarters was jubilant. "Dave is our only chance for a truly cereal-minded Pope," said a staffer. Indeed, one of Dave's planned initiatives is the introduction of Frosted Papal Flakes cereal, an effort to spiritualize the breakfast table. A press release outlining McAwesome's multi-tiered cereal program said, "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and it is my intention to help Catholics all over the world start the day off right by biting into a crunchy spoonful of Pope flakes. The taste is sinfully delicious." The statement went on to quote an unspecified Simpsons episode. "Sacrilicious," it said.

The McAwesome platform also calls for the "rockification" of the Vatican. "I'm giving the Church a whole new soundtrack: out with Bach, in with Zeppelin. Yeah, yeah, we all know about Jimmy Page's dalliances with Aleister Crowley and the dark arts. Who among us hasn't dabbled in a little Necronomicon-style demonology? Seriously, who?" The new tracks to replace the old Psalms include Iron Butterfly's "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," Led Zep's "Houses of the Holy," and Metallica's "Ride the Lightning." "It's gonna be Pope-tastic," McAwesome added.

Dave campaign pic

The founder of and leader of the gaggle of misfits that makes up Team Awesome, Dave's spiritual side regularly manifests itself in the form of long, rambling paeans to action figures. "I'm bringin' back idolatry in a big way, baby," he said.

Continue to Greg McAwesome announcing his own surprise condidacy for Pope '05.

Discuss in the forum.

Text by Dave and Greg McAwesome
Video production by Dave McAwesome and Paul Healy
Photography & graphics by Dave McAwesome

(home) (forum)(section 1)(section 2)(section 3)(section 4)(section 5)(section 6)(section 7)
(section 8)(section 9)(section 10)(section 11)(section 12)(section 13)(section 14)
(section 15)(section 16)(section 17)(section 18)(section 19)(section 20)