I wish they had a Brett Favre mini-game in Madden Football. Or at least an old BASIC game on the Commodore 64. Sorta like a Zork clone. I imagine this would be the typical game experience.
LOAD BRETT FAVRE GAME
It’s the Brett Favre Game! You’re the head football coach of the NFL’s newest franchise, the Mango Martinis. Can you keep Brett Favre off your team and keep your job?
Press spacebar to start.
You just got a call from Brett Favre! He wants to play on your team, the Mango Martinis.
Do you: (1) Accept, (2) Stall, or (3) Hang up phone and try your hand at ad sales.
Action: You stall.
“Great, so there’s still a chance? Cuz I just wanna play football, man,” Brett says excitedly. “I’m gonna call your GM right now. I think my wife’s got him on speed dial.”
Do you: (1) Transfer the call yourself, (2) Lie and tell him your GM is out of town, or (3) Hang up phone and this time really, really consider that ad sales job.
Action: You lie and tell him your GM is out of town.
“Hey that’s cool. I’m just out here on my tractor and…”
Do you: (1) Take a deep breath and keep quiet, (2) Interrupt and ask what a grown man is doing riding a tractor all day, or (3) Hang up and laugh.
Action: You take a deep breath and keep quiet.
“Just out here on my tractor. I told you I have a tractor, right? Just got off the phone with one of your receivers, Glen Stickyfingers. He called me and told me how much he wanted me to join the team.”
Do you: (1) Tell Brett what a team player Glen is. (Are you on a first name basis with The Brett yet? Better find out.), (2) Tell Mr. Favre that, as head coach, you make final personnel decisions on the field, or (3) Cut Glen Stickyfingers.
Action: You say, “Tell you what Brett, Glen is a real team player for calling you like that.”
“Great, man. I’m glad we can talk like this. You calling me by my first name. Me on my tractor. My arm feels great, coach. I think we can put our heads together and install exactly the kind of offense that I like, which is predominantly me making up plays and throwing the ball to the strongside safety. I lead the league in INTs. You knew that, right?” You did know that. You also know that your current starting QB makes just as many INTs, has fumblitis in the 4th quarter and can’t read blitzes. Come to think of it, you should cut him no matter what happens with Favre.
Do you: (1) Ask Brett to join the team in training camp, or (2) Frantically scour the waiver wire for a new QB.
Action: You ask Brett to join the team in training camp.
“Whoa, I’d love to, I really would. But I gotta tell ya, I think I’m gonna stay retired. On my tractor.”
Do you: (1) Politely thank Mr. Favre for the opportunity to speak to him, (2) Call up Peter King and tell him he was wrong. Again. Or (3) Shout obscenities into the phone before tossing it into traffic.
Action: You choke down your incredulity and thank Mr. Favre.
One week later, Favre shows up at the Mango Martinis practice facilities. “I’m here guys. Let’s go win some games.” Your season opener is in two days.
Do you: (1) Welcome The Brett and tell him that competition at the QB spot is just what the team needs, (2) Tell the FBI to keep an eye on your former starting QB who just bought a sniper rifle and scope, or (3) Ask your friend Dan about that ad sales job again. Sure, you kinda boffed his sister at last year’s Christmas party, but you’ve remained on good terms. What was his number?
Action: The first one. Even though you know where this is headed.
“Haha, good one coach. They told me you had a sense of humor. Nah, I’m not into ‘training’ or ‘trying out,’” he says. Oh my god, did he just use quotey-fingers?
Do you: (1) Hand him the ball and rip up your playbook, (2) Hand him the ball but give number 4 to the rookie kicker, or (3) Start putting those Brett Favre branded shot glasses to good use.
Action: You hand him the ball and rip up your playbook.
You won several games because your whole team played well together. You lost several games specifically because of Favre. You failed to make the playoffs. You are fired. The Brett is unsure whether he’ll play next season. Game Over.
Press spacebar to play again. Or press CTRL+F2 to delete the game entirely.
Action: You press CTRL+F2. The game will be del–