6th anniversary…of doom: anniversary from the near future

I am writing to you from the future. Greetings and good tidings. While you savor the fruits of a well-deserved recession, I am happily one year in the future, sitting on the monuments of financial ruin and enjoying circumstances only slightly less terrible. There are still no air cars.

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Sober House 2, ep. 6: Gutlessness

Haha, when I said I was dropping the show last week, did you believe me? No, I’m doing to the show what it does in treating addicts: pretend to be all serious but not follow through one iota. So…here I am watching another episode. Damn it. I just screwed myself. [Continue Reading...]

Duchess of Mandalore – Clone Wars season 2.14

Blue garbage.

“In war, truth is the first casualty.” Tell that to Poland. [Continue Reading...]

5th anniversary…of doom: The big oh-five

Kewlops

A kewlops, conveyor of dreams. Half man, half gargoyle, half snake, half whale, half ape, and half not very good at fractions.

How has this site survived five long years on the internet? The internet! You can’t just go on the internet. They don’t take just anybody. And how on earth does an idea turn into electronic gold? What kind of machine tooling and manufacturing wizardry (and possibly gnomes) are involved? [Continue Reading...]

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, season 3 episode 1 recap, part 2

Dr. Drew calmly asks himself, “With a success rate so low, why do you even keep up the fight?” ‘Money,’ I answer, swigging another beer. Sweet, sweet VH1 money.

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Lucky Charms has Crystal Balls

Lucky Charms gazes into the crystal ball and sees his future as a small man with rotten teeth.

Lucky gazes into the crystal ball and sees his future as a small man with rotten teeth.

Lucky has a lot of hobbies: running from kids, hiding bowls of cereal, traveling via rainbow, pulling purple horseshoes off My Little Pony and cramming them in cereal boxes, running from more kids, stamp collecting, and learning how to be a fortune teller.

Here’s how the scam goes. Lucky convinces some stupid kids to cough up a fiver apiece. They watch a lot of paranormal shows on cable, so they’re gullible as hell. Lucky moves his hands around a plastic crystal ball. He clicks a hidden button on the floor with his foot. Lights flicker. The globe clouds over. One of the girls in the group makes up her mind that she’s totally going to make out with Seth tonight, because he’s being so, so brave during the crystal ball phenomena.

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January 2007 archive (2nd anniv.)

  • Grammar Guide
    Duck, I’m trying to be helpful. Actually, no, I only did this for my personal reference. That shouldn’t stop YOU from using it, however. It’s a guide of common mistakes in English written in a way that’s not completely boring.
  • Two down, 98 to go
    Second anniversary of doom.

August 2006 archive

  • Aug. 15, 2006 — It’s a field trip! Join me on an excursion through the Brooklyn Botanic Garden and see it like you’ve never seen it before.
  • I have a stupid dream — Mine is more realistic than Martin Luther King’s. (Includes aircar reference.)
  • The Herpes Lifestyle
    An in-depth look at the herpes lifestyle and the perscription drugs that do everything except cure it.
  • Manly Man Food for Men
    How to eat like a man without having to read some wussy-ass book.
  • Paris Hilton’s album
    Adam uses guesses, misinformation and outright lies to review music he’s never heard.
  • Bacon Factory
    Zach’s got an opening at his bacon factory. Polish up those resumes, people. (Two-parter.)
  • Finished season 4 of my pointless yet vaguely satisfying episode guide to NewsRadio.