I’ve been waiting for a no frills version of Cookie Crisp for years. [Continue Reading…]
There is a new entry in the Flinstones’ cereal world: Cupcake Pebbles.[Continue Reading…]
While I personally have always been festive about cereal, we officially started this holiday in 2006. That’s the kind of forward-thinking pioneers we are. You’re welcome. [Continue Reading…]
Lucky has a lot of hobbies: running from kids, hiding bowls of cereal, traveling via rainbow, pulling purple horseshoes off My Little Pony and cramming them in cereal boxes, running from more kids, stamp collecting, and learning how to be a fortune teller.
Here’s how the scam goes. Lucky convinces some stupid kids to cough up a fiver apiece. They watch a lot of paranormal shows on cable, so they’re gullible as hell. Lucky moves his hands around a plastic crystal ball. He clicks a hidden button on the floor with his foot. Lights flicker. The globe clouds over. One of the girls in the group makes up her mind that she’s totally going to make out with Seth tonight, because he’s being so, so brave during the crystal ball phenomena.
If you take Heaven, put Xanadu on top of that, and then stack Hyperborea on top of that, you’d have ChocoNilla.
Cocoa Krispies ChocoNilla is the newest version of Rice Krispies. It debuted about two years ago and is inexplicably hard to find. This is odd because it is the single greatest addition to the cerealverse since milk.
Apple Jacks. They’re not apple. They’re not even jacked (distilled) apples. Applejack is a hard cider. I have no idea how the association with kids cereal was made. I mean, what if Frosted Flakes were instead named Frosted Lager. Or if Cheerios were Whiskey-Os. It. Makes. No. Sense.
I’ve been lying low this April. It’s Cereal Awareness Month, and I’ve been keeping to the shadows to see how the cause was growing. People, I have to tell you something. We’ve got a steep hill to climb on the road to awareness through the tunnel of hardship in Metaphor Valley.