I’ve been waiting for a no frills version of Cookie Crisp for years. Read more
There is a new entry in the Flinstones’ cereal world: Cupcake Pebbles. Read more
While I personally have always been festive about cereal, we officially started this holiday in 2006. That’s the kind of forward-thinking pioneers we are. You’re welcome. Read more
Lucky has a lot of hobbies: running from kids, hiding bowls of cereal, traveling via rainbow, pulling purple horseshoes off My Little Pony and cramming them in cereal boxes, running from more kids, stamp collecting, and learning how to be a fortune teller.
Here’s how the scam goes. Lucky convinces some stupid kids to cough up a fiver apiece. They watch a lot of paranormal shows on cable, so they’re gullible as hell. Lucky moves his hands around a plastic crystal ball. He clicks a hidden button on the floor with his foot. Lights flicker. The globe clouds over. One of the girls in the group makes up her mind that she’s totally going to make out with Seth tonight, because he’s being so, so brave during the crystal ball phenomena.
I don’t know what it is about Cookie Crisp that makes people want to shove more chocolate in it. Every year General Mills trots out another 10 or 12 boxes of Double Chocolate Cookie Crisp. I can’t imagine they sell more than that. They must have changed the recipe a dozen times by now.
Cookie Crisp is great as just Cookie Crisp. It doesn’t need more of anything. When I saw the box of Double Chocolate Cookie Crisp in the store, I was ready to go on a fiery rant about how much it sucked. I was jotting down notes on the store receipt. Laughing to myself…alone…as I cracked a series of mean-spirited jokes at General Mills’ expense. Then I shoved my hand in the box and scarfed down a few.
If you take Heaven, put Xanadu on top of that, and then stack Hyperborea on top of that, you’d have ChocoNilla.
Cocoa Krispies ChocoNilla is the newest version of Rice Krispies. It debuted about two years ago and is inexplicably hard to find. This is odd because it is the single greatest addition to the cerealverse since milk.
Apple Jacks. They’re not apple. They’re not even jacked (distilled) apples. Applejack is a hard cider. I have no idea how the association with kids cereal was made. I mean, what if Frosted Flakes were instead named Frosted Lager. Or if Cheerios were Whiskey-Os. It. Makes. No. Sense.
I’ve been lying low this April. It’s Cereal Awareness Month, and I’ve been keeping to the shadows to see how the cause was growing. People, I have to tell you something. We’ve got a steep hill to climb on the road to awareness through the tunnel of hardship in Metaphor Valley.
Cap’n Crunch variant
Choco Crunch has the Cap’n chasing a French pirate…in a circus? Okay.
Berry Berry Kix
You didn’t think I forgot Cereal Awareness Month, did you? Well, okay, I almost forgot. Here’s Berry Berry Kix.
Stop by the updated Cereal Awareness Month archive.