There is a new entry in the Flinstones’ cereal world: Cupcake Pebbles.
You’ll notice that unlike other cereals that choose to display their cereal in a bowl with milk, Post has decided to show us its cereal decorating a cupcake. When you taste it, you’ll understand why. I wouldn’t go so far to say Cupcake Pebbles tastes like cupcakes, but it does taste like cupcake frosting with sprinkles. It’s uncanny. Even a little weird.
As much as I love cereal, I had a hard time chowing down on a bowl of frosting for breakfast. Cereal has long been the toy section of the breakfast department store, but good god, this is as if the entire toy section were filled with Pez dispensers. Give me some pretense of nutrition at least.
If I’m going to pour frosting down my throat at 7a.m., I don’t want it to be dry flakes drowned in milk. I’ll spoon out the real thing. I’ll also stop at two spoonfuls rather than risk a sugar induced stomach ache. A whole bowl? What kind of frosting-chugging cretin does Post take me for?
The side of the box reads, “You can make any time ‘Party Time’ with a Pebbles Giant Cupcake!” First off, I don’t know why they’ve italicized ‘Pebbles.’ You never italicize product or brand names. Is there a movie coming out? Or a novel about middle class ennui and malaise in Bedrock? Will it get on Oprah’s book list? Secondly, there’s no such thing as a giant cupcake. It’s called a cake. A regular cake. “Makes: 1 Giant Cupcake 10-12 servings,” it says. That’s a cake. That’s like saying Giant Travel-sized Connect Four. No, that’s just regular Connect Four. The recipe is pretty awesome. You take cake mix (see? there’s no such thing as ‘giant cupcake mix’), add Cupcake Pebbles bake a cake, put frosting on one layer, sprinkle Cupcake Pebbles on it. Then put the second layer on top, more frosting, then sprinkle more cereal. So, basically, it’s frosting baked, topped with frosting, sprinkled with frosting, topped with another layer of frosting baked cake, more frosting, sprinkled with frosting.
In unrelated news, you’re fat.