Recession in Toyville: Encounter at Mount Staircase
The global recession was hurting Cobra Commander’s terror organization. So despondent was he at recent cutbacks within Cobra that he decided to go for a morning drive. The ritual soothed him. It was a time to relax and collect his thoughts.
Destro: Bugs are spattering on my mask.
Commander: Don’t get snippy, Destro. You used to love our country drives, before the Baroness teased you away.
Destro: Mind your blood pressure. Let’s find a scenic overlook. You’ll feel much better.
Commander: That’s a good idea. We can take pictures of ourselves–you know, the really good kind where we hold the camera at arms length and smoosh our faces together. Yes, and you’ll comment on them when I upload the pix to my Facebook, of course.
Destro: Of course.
Commander: Yes! A vacation isn’t a vacation unless you can taunt others less fortunate than you in a public environment.
Before the Bickersons reach the overlook, they spot another vehicle already there.
Destro: Isn’t that the Joe’s VAMP parked at the overlook?
Commander: Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Yep, they see us. Look at that pompous idiot Hawk pretending to give orders. Yes, hello, you simps. I declare this scenic overlook to be the property of Cobra Command. Out, you dorks.
Destro: Perhaps there’s room for all of us.
Commander: Or perhaps that mask of yours has given you lead poisoning. This is MY scenic overlook!
Hawk: Commander, I’m perfectly willing to shar–
Duke: Holy crap! Why would you shoot a man trying to negotiate with you?
Commander: What, Hawk? Ah, that was a shoot-on-sight deal. I wear Hawk-cancelling headphones so I never have to hear his yapping.
Duke: You shot him in the face.
Commander: I forgot my Hawk-cancelling headphones.
Continued in part 3 next week. Back to the main War on the Floor page.