“Heroes are made by the times.” And by Lucasfilm marketing committees.
Padme is on a diplomatic mission to–oh god, Jar Jar’s in this one.
Remember the awfulicious 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special? The one that stretched the fabric of time turning a two-hour special into what felt like 13 weeks of Wookie Life Day. Lucas was reportedly so displeased that he vowed to hide it forever in his super top-secret Skywalker Vault never to be seen again. Jar Jar Binks is this generation’s Star Wars Holiday Special, and it baffles me why Lucas doesn’t treat him the same way. Lucas has a soft spot for the guy, and that’s just something we’re stuck with.
Padme lands on the Rodian planet (full of Greedos). She tells Jar Jar and C3PO to stay on the ship. Her old Greedo friend (Uncle Greedo she calls him) is pissed because the Republic hasn’t helped, so he pulls a Lando. Droids capture Padme. Uncle Greedo enjoys a Colt 45.
Then I fast forwarded through a Jar Jar scene. What’s that? A crab droid? C3PO teases us that Jar Jar’s dead. “Now he’s gone. Forever.” (It’s funny to me that Lucas fails to comprehend why this is not a ‘boo-hoo’ moment.) But he’s not dead. He even destroys the ship. From the rubble, he finds a Jedi robe and…oh no…oh Lucas, don’t do this. Have mercy. This is a boo-hoo moment.
Nute Gunray arrives to collect Padme. His droids spot 3PO and Jar Jar. They think he’s a Jedi. Fast forward.
Padme breaks out of her cell…because these battle droids? They’ve got the Vista running. Padme makes a fight of it while C3PO contacts the Republic. Padme is captured again.
Jar Jar befriends a giant slug monster that is somehow impervious to laser fire. They capture Nute Gunray as the clones arrive. Brutal episode to watch. Just brutal.